Man Vs Woman

Fact: Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were both equally famous dancers for their time. They often danced together.

Fact: Ginger did everything Fred did, only backwards and in high-heels.

My thoughts: When a dude can do that, he will have earned the respect of every woman that has ever lived. Until then, girls win. Sorry dudes.

IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE FRICKIN' DAY!

It's May. It's hot. Yes, I realize that it is sprinkler season, but there is a time and a place. When it's one in the afternoon and it's ninety degrees outside, it doesn't matter how high you turn the sprinklers up. Most of the water will just evaporate. Not only increasing your water bill, but also putting the water into the clouds where it will bless some farmer a thousand miles away. That's great for the farmer, but only 2% of the water on the earth is drinkable. Wasting it is foolish. If you morons don't start watering at night like the rest of us, I will 'hunt you down and gut you like a fish!'
But for those of you who are just having trouble setting the timer, twelve am is when it's dark, and twelve pm is in the MIDDLE OF THE FRICKIN' DAY!!!! Capeeche?

The Four Catagories of Stupid

All of us have been called 'stupid' at some point in our lives. Whether by a joking family member, or a serious not-so-friend, it happens. This is a guide to understand which 'stupid' they may have meant.

Lac of Intelligence Stupid: Basically, you're stupid. You don't read anything but your video game manual. You have to struggle to pass your English class because you don't understand words longer than girlfriend, football, and "quick, shoot it!!!" (I'm sure they know a few more words, but I'm not counting the ones out of playboy or cosmo)

Jerk Stupid: You're mean. People hate you. They call you stupid because you're a jerk, that's why you have so few friends. You may torture animals and small children, or maybe you're just rude. Or, as your mother delicately puts it, 'misunderstood.'

Socially Inept and Unaware Stupid: You live under a rock. You watch nothing but Disney movies. Someone tells a dirty joke and you don't have a clue what they're talking about. You thought Halo was about angels and you had no clue what Guitar Hero was until your friend explained it to you. You might as well be Amish.

Spaz Stupid: You're crazy. You rode your friend's bike off the pier and into the ocean because "it seemed like such a good idea at the time." And then you wondered 'what happened to the bike.' Looks like someone isn't going to be in the parade after all. You occasionally loose the remote in the couch or your sunglasses on your head. When you get bored, you hum I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.

*Gasp*

It's a guy! What do we do!?!
You can:
A) Walk up, flirt, hair-flip, laugh at any lame jokes he makes, then discreetly ask him for his phone number in the hopes that he will give you his real number and not the number for the reject hotline.
B) Walk up, flirt, hair-flip, laugh at lame jokes, arm-touch-thing, in the hopes the he will ask you for your phone number (unless it turns out that he's not that great, then you can give him the reject hotline number).
C) Stare at him, whisper with your friends, start going towards him, get scared and back off, go towards him again, then inform him that you and your giggling girlfriends think he has a nice butt. Run back to whatever planet you came from.
As sad as it may sound, there are people who think that C is the answer. I happened to witness a group of these desperadoes when I was working on Monday. I was standing nearby when I noticed some girls staring at one of my co-workers. They stared when he walked into the bathroom, they stared when he came out, started to follow him, saw him go into a room they couldn't, then said: well, he'll have to come out some time. Talk about creepy!
Well, of course I told him! You need to know when there are creepy people checking you out!
Anyway, he was out there later and they.... well, see scenario C. The dude was thoroughly embarrassed and the rest of us witnesses broke into hysterical laughter.
So remember people, if you think C is the answer, at least buy him dinner first (and how could they tell if he had a nice butt, his pants were too loose to really tell).

Biodegradable Packing-Peanuts!

For those of you who don't know, packing-peanuts are usually made from Styrofoam. A soft fluffy substance that, I believe is made from plastic. It is also, for those of you who don't know, non-biodegradable. Excuse my pun but, in 'peanut' terms, that means that it does not dissolve and turn back into dirt like leaves or food. Instead it keeps going like the energizer bunny, poisoning our environment and taking up space in landfills. (That is why I encourage recycling whenever possible.) But! I found out about a year ago that they now make biodegradable packing-peanuts. It's totally awesome! You lick them and they start to melt away before your eyes!
So, your assignment for today: Live a little greener. Either recycle your homework, or roast marshmallows over it. S'more party! Did you know that you can get money for your aluminum cans or glass bottles? My grandparents used to have a friend who was saving his coke cans so he could get the money and buy baseball tickets. That's a cool dude. I'm not saying you have to go vegan or stop bathing, but at least make a little effort. Let spider live (unless it's poisonous, of course), throw the single Kleenex in the garbage instead of wasting another flush, spring is the time to appreciate the world we live in and treat it kindly. So let's all be a little more Eco-friendly. Go Green!

Signal the Mothership

Captain's Log Stardate 6194

Am I crazy? Sometimes I wonder. They say crazy people don't know that they're crazy but I'm not sure that's always true. The man who is locked up in a high-security prison cell, all alone for years on end, can probably feel his sanity slowly escaping from him. I've seen the way normal people act and it puzzles me, it's so restricted. They seem bound by the limitations of reality. What is reality? And what gives you the right to define it? My life is completely different from yours, why should our realities be the same? Reality, Normalcy, Sane; just more of the Man's words to trick the world into conforming.
Perhaps, to be "crazy" is a good thing. I think variety is amusing.
You can go ahead and say 'we're all human here,' but you'll never hear me admit that. If you do, you can be sure that I have been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by a lifelike duplicate.
If there really are aliens, they're pretty smart. What better way to experiment on humans than to pick ones that live in the middle of nowhere that no one will ever believe? It's perfect! Have you ever seen the video on the Ratatouille extras? It has aliens in it. You will go home and watch it. (Insert Star Wars theme here)

Life Is An Airplane Ride

Psrk "Hello ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Monday. Please make sure your seatbelts are securely fastened before breaking down into complete, and total, histeria. The restrooms are located at the front and rear of the cabin; there are no emergency exits. There will most certainly be some turbulance on our journey so try not to be allarmed, it is natural. If your breathing does become somehow restricted, continue to breathe normally and hope that it passes. We do not serve complementary sodas on this flight, but, as you can see, there are plenty of nuts.
This is a non-stop flight to certain death, the duration of which cannot be deturmined. So, on behaf of the captain and crew we would like to wish you a Happy Birthday, and have a nice flight.
We are cleared for take-off." krsh

Do You Smell That Smell?

Sniff. Ahh. Grass, dirt and SUNSHINE! Yes people, spring is coming. It's not coming fast enough but it is coming. After four months of that cursed white stuff we are finally seeing grass. It may be gooey and brownish still, but grass is grass and it's going to be green soon. I don't even care that my mom is going to make me mow the lawn, the fact that we'll be able to see the lawn makes up for it.
Does anyone else have friends who are totally twitterpated yet? I know it's getting warmer but it's not that warm. I'm not against the public display of affection but really people! Do you have to flaunt the fact that you have a significant other and the rest of us don't? Sigh.
I love the spring, it makes me want to go fly a kite. I have no idea why. I remember in the fourth grade I made a kite. Loved that thing! Wonder if I still have it. It wasn't a fantsy kite or anything but it worked pretty well. I colored it myself. Kites rule!

What's with the Krill?

When I was in ninth grade, me and my friend did a report on the antarctic tundra. We were talkin about krill (which live in the antarctic tundra) and we thought "If most words come from smaller words that mean something, then what does krill mean?" We decided that krill is a scientific word for random thoughts. Whales eat random thoughts. Whales eat lots of random thoughts. In fact, whales eat tons and tons of random toughts everyday. Why did you think we had so many random thoughts? Examples of krill: little green bugs, pink bunny slippers, a boy who wants to be a ninja, scented sticky notes, 'I would have pepper sprayed him.'

I've Got A Blog! Yes!

Ahh. It's good to have a place to voice your thoughts. A guy from my french class gave me the idea. I'm hoping that this will minimise my random verbal spewage. Since this is my first blog I'm going to talk about myself. I'm naturally a sort of quiet person except every now and then I get this need to talk. Thus, leading to random verbal spewage of thoughts, ideas, and experiences. I like cats, country music and the color terquoise. (note: I like lots of animals and music, not just the two listed. I also like crimson and chartruse) I like to think of myself as an artist. I draw, paint and write. My favorite sport is hockey. I never watch the superbowl. I'm also a bit of a nerd. I love sci-fi movies and star trek. So there you go, my first blog entry. Hope to see you regularly.